Divorce is painful. When you wed your spouse, you did it because you loved them and wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. The fact that things didn’t work out for you (no matter how they ended) doesn’t make it any easier to put this chapter behind you and start fresh. Divorce is painful even when it comes from an ugly situation, and you will need to learn to overcome heartache once your divorce is finalized.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
You know your marriage is over now. Allow yourself time to grieve, even if you are the one who made the call and ended things. You can’t move on until you allow yourself time to cry, scream, fight, sleep it off, or do whatever works for you. To help with this, set a time limit. You have one day, a week, two days to grieve, and then you move on. According The Vendt Law Firm, “if your relationship with your spouse breaks down, it is usually a very difficult emotional time, and you will likely be dealing with feelings of sadness, grief, anxiety, and stress about the future.” This is why you need to allow yourself some time to grieve before getting back up on your feet.
Take Things at Your Own Pace
You aren’t required to listen to anyone but your own feelings, heart, and mind following your divorce. Don’t let people set you up if you’re not ready. Don’t let people tell you it’s been long enough, hasn’t been long enough, isn’t the right time, etc. Handle this at your own pace, and make decisions that work for you when they work for you.
Find New Activities
One way to really help you overcome heartache following a divorce is by making some new changes. Your old life is over, and it’s time to find new activities you enjoy, try new things, and make new memories. Take the classes you’ve always wanted to take, go on an adventure, and learn to make your own decisions. Before you know it, these things are the new norm in your life and you’ve moved on without even realizing it.
Use Your Feelings as Motivation
If your feelings are still running high and emotional, use them to your advantage. Join the gym, join a team, start a blog, or write a book. Do whatever you have the motivation to do, and use those crazy emotions as your motivation. There is nothing like making a life change and finding the motivation in your divorce to better yourself. It helps you heal, and it helps you create a new life that’s really yours.
Divorce is a sticky topic to discuss as well as the emotions that come from it. While exercising, finding new activities, grieving, and so forth are great ways to move forward, they are often not enough to overcome the struggle within.
Counseling is a helpful tool that is often overlooked. According to Good Therapy, “a person who is going through a divorce may experience feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and grief, and working with a therapist can provide an objective and rational perspective and arm a person with the necessary skills to work through the difficulties of the divorce.”
Therapy and counseling are great ways to help cope with the divorce in a way that is very beneficial. From learning more about yourself to growing as an individual, therapy can help guide the way through this process.
Don’t forget to be kind. You might not want to be kind to your ex, but it helps no one to bash him/her. This is especially true if you have kids. The best thing you can do to heal is stop talking about your ex and not let him/her get to you. You have the power to control how kind you are, and you always feel good when you are kind and classy. Be the bigger person.
Divorce is never easy, but you can make it better. It’s time to create your new life, and you can use your feelings to help. Heartache is natural even when the end is the best thing that ever happened. Let yourself feel, but don’t let yourself stay in this place of sadness. Set a limit, move on, and enjoy your life.